


half of what I say is meaningless

by sabinelagrande



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Episode: s01e11 The Magical Place, M/M, Pre-Canon, Tearjerker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 17:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1313593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's exhausting, all of it, but Barton's still here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	half of what I say is meaningless

It had been a long day; since New York, it had been nothing but long days. Doctor Streiten suspected they were out of the woods now, but there was no real way to be sure. He hoped they were, anyway, both for Coulson and himself. He'd experienced a lot, but he'd never been through something this hellish before; he'd gone past the point of wanting Coulson to die, preferring at this moment that he'd drop dead himself.

Then again, they'd probably put him up on that table, and he'd wake up with the wrong memories. It didn't sound half-bad, actually, so long as it meant he didn't have to live with the weight of any of this.

"Julia," a voice came from down the hallway, and he sighed. "Julia, ocean child, calls me."

When Streiten walked back to Coulson's room, he wasn't surprised by what he saw. He didn't know how Barton kept getting in, but Barton could get in anywhere. Barton was even on the security team, which meant that Fury had practically given him an open invitation. 

"He's not going to remember any of this," Streiten told him. He didn't know whether Barton knew that or not, but he wasn't exactly concerned with Barton's feelings right now.

Barton kept singing, ignoring him. "Her hair of floating sky is shimmering-"

"It's already decided," Streiten said.

"Glimmering-"

"They've got a nice little fantasy all set up for him," he said, resisting the urge to lay it out for Barton, just to twist the knife, make Barton feel as low as he was feeling right now. "You might as well go."

"In the sun," Barton sang.

Streiten rubbed his forehead, but Barton just kept singing. He looked pale and drawn, but his voice was smooth and steady, and Streiten hated him, hated everything, absolutely everything that led them to this, hated that Barton could sit there and be so hopeful, so willing to let this happen, like all Coulson needed was to be soothed, like all of this would soon be over, behind them, like they could move on and be human again, all of them.

"So I sing this song of love-" Barton was singing, his hand on Coulson's, and Streiten couldn't take it for one more second, not an _instant_ longer.

"I wanted to let him die," he snapped, and Barton stopped cold. "Didn't you? Don't you think that would have been the merciful thing to do? After he begged for it?"

Barton reached up as if to touch the invisible line where they'd fitted Coulson neatly back together; he stalled out at the last second, brushing Coulson's cheek with the backs of his fingers. "I'm just glad it wasn't my decision to make."

"That's all you can say?" Streiten demanded, outraged. "You're willing to just lie down and take this? Doesn't it matter to you at all what happens?"

Barton turned, looking up at him. He was smiling, but he looked old, tired. "You're just his doctor," Barton said. "You took an oath. He didn't promise you anything."

Streiten didn't have any idea what to say.

"When I cannot sing my heart," Barton sang, turning away from him and looking down at Coulson, "I can only speak my mind."

"Stay out of the way when the nurse comes," Streiten said, turning and walking out.

Barton didn't pick the song up where he'd stopped, starting over from the beginning. As much as Streiten wanted to block it out, Barton's voice followed him down the hall; he'd just count himself lucky if it didn't follow him any farther.


End file.
